Wood you please... Chapter Three

Chapter Three – The 9.5 situation cont'd


Friday, 4th November 2016

So, the story thus far:

·         Thumb cut off in the table saw

·         No one around

·         Blood everywhere

·         Just about to get in the car


Author's note

Although the drive to the hospital was interesting it's not interesting enough to relate here and our story continues at the hospital. As I entered, I noted the crowd and wondered how long the wait would be.

Reception:          Yes

TWW:                  Erm…

Reception:          [Glancing up and noting with horror the blood drenched towel] You need to go to the triage nurse now…


To ensure my obedience, he trotted over to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She too glanced up, asked me to remove the towel and immediately ushered me into the inner sanctum. I was then to meet lady I was to spend the next few hours. The order of business was:

1.       Take an X-ray

2.       Administer some pain medication

3.       Assess the situation and clean up

Take an X-ray

I was rushed to the X-ray department and the staff there were told in no uncertain terms that I was next. On entering I could hear the hushed tones of two young radiographers

R1:                          You do it

R2:                          No, you do it

R1:                          No! You do it

Moments later, a young lady stepped into the room.

TWW:                    Don't worry; I'll do it, just show me what you want me to do

I followed her instructions and was swiftly despatched back to my nurse. I offered to clean up the blood that had leaked from my hand but I had embarrassed her enough: she refused with a blush.


Administer some pain medication

Prior to my X-ray adventure, I had been given some nameless pain medication. On my return I was asked about its impact. As they had not even begun to touch the pain a charge nurse was consulted and he said that some anaesthetic would be in order. The next stage of the procedure was to clean the wound with 2 litres of saline and to do that without pain relief would be tantamount to torture.

TCN:                      I'm afraid this bit is going to hurt as I have to inject the anaesthetic directly into your stump.

TWW:                    [Shrugged in resignation]

The anaesthetic arrived and was duly administered. As the drugs coursed through my system I realised quite how great drugs are. Pain melted, muscles relaxed, mood lifted and I began to enjoy the experience. I lay back on the couch and requested a black coffee. I smiled at Mrs WW and asked her to call work and let them know of my accident. I told her that although I was in pretty bad shape now I would probably be at work on Tuesday [proof positive that drugs addle the brain, dull the instincts but make you feel GOOOOOOOOOD].

After cleaning and bandaging I was packed off to a specialist hospital for plastic surgery. On arrival, I noted quite how busy it was [packed to the rafters] and the bold sign on the front door: THIS IS NOT A FIRST COME FIRST SERVED CLINIC. BE PREPARED TO WAIT. Although I inwardly groaned, Mrs WW was made of sterner stuff. She used my parcelled thumb as an all access pass and went to the head of the queue. After recoiling slightly, the receptionist realised the urgency of the situation and took my thumb to the Registrar's Office. Moments later, I was seated in front of a very friendly and efficient young man. He gave both halves of my thumb an intense look and informed me that I was no longer an emergency: there was nothing he could do to reattach my thumb.

NinepointFive Wood works was born!


Final note

From beginning to end I was treated by the NHS with dignity, respect and expert professionalism. Without a doubt they are brilliant in every way and I WILL NOT HAVE A WORD SAID AGAINST THEM. Every single one of them works in a demanding and stressful environment and they are heroes to a wo[man]!

I love you all and will always be in your debt!